November 15, 2005
Well, due to the fact I?m not getting ANY e-mailed questions, I?ve decided to start this little blog thing for me to rant about stuff or to post my random (sometimes VERY random) musings.
First off, my anti-penguin rant. You see, for a long time penguins have been plotting to wipe out humanity and because the dominate species by freezing the planet. This would have worked if I didn?t capture one of their ally species (a monkey by the name of Jeff), who told me the WHOLE plot. Jeff was shortly killed by penguin assassins. Poor Jeff. Anyways, I knew that if the penguins succeeded, then all of humanity. Its days like those that I wish I was an elf. I?m original plan was to make peace with them. They didn?t like that plan. But I continued trying by showing them how to make functional weapons from ice. That was a huge mistake. So I finally decided to wipe out the scum.
So first I looked at both the mythical and ?realistic? history of penguins. It seems that the last opponent of the penguins were the legendary Dodos! But... penguins kinda wiped out all but two dodos (male and female). Those two only have one remaining descendent (His name is Steve!). I found Steve, and had him tell me of the dodo and penguin war. He told me how the dodos were brave and fearless, and that they found out that penguins weren?t actually made out of meat, but instead marshmallows. I took that information and founded S.A.R.P., society against rouge penguins. Steve was shortly killed by penguins. Poor Steve.
So the society and I worked hard to fight the threat, and once manage to kill their queen! But the king got away quickly. Also, penguins managed to learn to fly. With that in mind, I quickly started to design the ultimate anti-penguins weapon: the mighty G-bomb! You see, Greg is my nick name for hot chocolate. Penguins are marshmallows, which melt in Greg.
So, now I?m working to defeat the Penguin threat and trying to personally achieve world domination.